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From Frustration to Fulfillment: How to Get What You Want in Your Marriage

Does your marriage sometimes feel like you’re trying to navigate a maze with your eyes closed? One of the keys to a happy marriage is clear communication, especially when it comes to expressing your needs. Here’s a straightforward guide to help you do just that:


Step 1: Know What You Need


Before you can communicate your needs, you need to know what they are. Sounds obvious, right? But you’d be surprised how often we don’t really think about what we need until we’re already frustrated. Take some time to reflect on what’s important to you. Is it more quality time together? Help with household chores? A bit of alone time?


Step 2: Choose the Right Time


Timing is everything. Bringing up your needs during a heated argument or when your partner is halfway through a footy game, distracted with the kids, or stressed is a recipe for disaster. Instead, find a calm, quiet moment when you can both focus on the conversation. Think of it like planting a seed—you want to make sure it has the best chance to grow.


Step 3: Be Clear and Direct


When you’re ready to talk, be clear and direct. Next, clarity beats complexity. Avoid beating around the bush like it's a national pastime. Vague hints or passive-aggressive comments won’t get you anywhere. Be direct but gentle. Instead of "You never help around the house," reframe your requests with “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory; "I feel really unloved when you leave your dirty clothes on the floor, and I need you to be intentional about putting them in the dirty clothes basket." This way, you’re focusing on your feelings and needs rather than pointing fingers.


Step 4: Listen and Be Open


Listen up! Communication isn't just about broadcasting your needs; it's a two-way street. Hear out your partner's perspective without mentally drafting your rebuttal. Who knows, they might have a valid point about the laundry basket situation.


Practice Makes Progress


Marriage isn't a guessing game. Your partner isn't a mind reader, no matter how many times you've finished each other's sentences. Clearly express what you need, whether it's more cuddles, less social media scrolling at dinner, or just someone to take over spider duty.


Lastly, be patient. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither are flawless communication skills. It takes time and practice to understand each other's needs fully. Celebrate the small victories, your marriage will thank you for it, possibly with fewer arguments and more hugs.


Cheers to clear communication and a happier marriage!



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