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How to Set Boundaries Without Making It Awkward

Are you part of the 70% club? These are the couples who are 70% happier in their relationship because they have discussed one specific yet very prickly topic – Boundaries!*

Boundaries are about as unique as your favourite pair of undies that are worn and torn, you’re wearing them, but no one knows you do. When they finally break, it’s a like a part of you is missing.

Broken boundaries cause so much pain in a marriage – and not just the sexual boundaries – and can take years to repair. Setting and maintaining boundaries can make a huge difference, ensuring both partners understand each other’s limits and respect them, it improves communication, builds trust, reduces conflict and even improves your sex life! So, it’s no wonder happier couples are those who set boundaries.

Here’s a no-nonsense guide to drawing those invisible lines:

1. Identify Your Needs

Think of this as an internal audit. What drives you nuts? What makes you happy? How have you hurt in a previous relationship? Make a list of what you need to feel safe.

2. Communicate Clearly

Use “I” statements. “I need space” sounds much better than “You’re suffocating me.” One invites a conversation; the other starts a war.

3. Be Consistent

If you’ve set a boundary, stick to it. Changing your mind every other day is confusing. Remember, even GPS recalculates only so many times before it gives up.

4. Respect Your Partner’s Boundaries

This isn’t a one-way street. Just as you need your alone time, your partner might need theirs. Respect their boundaries like you respect the speed limit – begrudgingly, but lovingly and consistently.

5. Revisit and Revise

Boundaries aren’t etched in stone. They’re more like those whiteboard markers that can be wiped and redrawn. Regular check-ins ensure they’re still relevant and working.

6. Seek Professional Help if Needed

If setting boundaries feels like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube blindfolded, it might be time to call in a pro. I help many couples by providing a fresh perspective as you navigate the murky waters.

So, go ahead, start that awkward conversation. Your future, happier selves will thank you. To help you navigate this discussion, get your copy of The Marriage Audit.

And remember, setting boundaries isn’t about building walls; it’s about creating a comfortable space where both partners can grow – kind of like a well-kept garden, minus the weeds.

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