When One Partner Shuts Down: Breaking the Silence in Marriage

Meet Emma and Josh.

Emma wants to connect—really connect. She asks open-ended questions, tries to talk about their dreams, their struggles, the real stuff. Josh? He replies with “Yeah, I’m fine,” and disappears into his phone.

Sound familiar?

When one partner struggles to open up emotionally, the relationship can start to feel one-sided, lonely, and, frankly, a bit like talking to a wall (a very polite, well-dressed wall… but still).

Emotional Unavailability Isn’t Always What It Seems

Here’s the thing: people who struggle to be vulnerable often aren’t trying to be difficult. Sometimes, they were raised in homes where feelings were ignored, minimised, or even punished. So now, when emotions come up, their system screams: “Danger! Shut it down!”

The problem is—emotional safety is the key to intimacy. You can’t build a thriving marriage on silence, shutdowns, or sarcasm.

What’s Actually Going On?

When communication breaks down like this, one partner often becomes the pursuer (Emma) and the other withdraws (Josh). Over time, this creates a painful cycle where both feel misunderstood and disconnected.

But the good news? This cycle can be interrupted—with empathy, patience, and the right tools.

How to Rebuild the Bridge

Here are a few ways couples can reconnect when one person struggles with emotional depth:

1. Start Small – You don’t need to dive into your childhood trauma over dinner. Try questions like: “What’s been on your mind lately?” or “When did you feel most relaxed this week?”

2. Create a Safe Space – Respond with curiosity, not correction. Vulnerability dies in environments of criticism.

3. Time it Right – Don’t bring up deep emotional topics when they’re tired, stressed, or watching the final two minutes of a tight game. (Trust me on this.)

4. Use Tools That Help – My Connecting Questions guide is designed exactly for this. It's packed with easy prompts to help both partners go beyond surface-level and reconnect emotionally.

👉 Check it out here

Because even if your partner isn’t a natural talker, meaningful conversation is possible—with the right tools and a little patience.